That step of Bow Out !

Instant intimacy it was ! We wound up kissing on the bed of the meditation cum healing centre on the afternoon of my Birthday. That day after meeting him, I realized that I was having a full-blown affair with a married man and could no longer espy myself. 

I had felt bereft of life and suddenly, I was a wanted woman, desired, and filled with passion and vitality. Consumed with thoughts of him, when we weren’t together I was either lost in memories, reliving every detail of every second with him, or longing for him, trying to figure out the next time we could see each other.

In a few months, lying next to him in the post-orgasmic glow of the most incredible, tender, sensual experience we’d ever had together, I felt a plenitude.

Up until that point, I had well compromised with the way things were. I’d identified that the reason I was magnetically drawn to this man, was that I myself was emotionally longing for my right man who matched my conceptualization infinitely. So, having a high browed man seemed perfect for me—it was passionate and exciting, and there was built-in distance, so I didn’t feel suffocated, trapped, and in danger of actual intimacy. I thought I’d hang in this extramarital limbo until it got too painful, and then I could just opt out.

I’d never have to lose days for I was penning my intoxicating thoughts of him in the deepest corner of myself where no one could ever peep into. My life had returned my distinctiveness.

He was usually in touch every day, many times a day,

I was constantly admonishing myself that Ogre and Fiona were not authentic characters in Shrek (2001), the animated movie. But then, he had already made me his FIONA !

Thereupon, today on World Marriage Day, his wife sent him a note on the bonds of trusts that a couple should pursue.

When he forwarded me that content, I felt the hammering of a squall, and I didn’t know what had happened to me. What I did knew was that this was it—I’d hit rock bottom. Whatever it took, I had to reconstruct myself and put my wrapped up in myself, deductions away. And on this Spring day something else shifted in me. In my excruciating agony, of a conscious mind and a broken ankle, I knew with complete certainty that my destructive pattern of having relationships with unavailable men was finally broken. If I had to complete this karmic journey, I could never, ever, do this again.

Turmoil and Turbulences

My relationship with that being should be a force that will help me expand my life and bring forth my innate potential with fresh and positive influences.

At this stage, there was no room for any negativity and hindrance in my uncanny life. Neither of us deserved to be hurt . Love is a complex matter that reflects each person’s attitude and philosophy towards life.That is why I believe people shouldn’t get involved in relationships lightly, rather measure its wavelength .The bottom line is that, without respect, no relationship will last for very long, nor will two people be able to bring out the best in each other.

Much of my daily life tended to be ordinary and unexciting. Trying to bring back love in my life seemed to be filled with drama and excitement; I felt like the leading character in a novel of which ironically, I was the scripter.

And then I don’t know why I took this decision of staying away from Him. Maybe I was intimidated that I would lose my comfort zone, that, my implanted fortress would crumble down. It was a subjective opinion in my case and could be, that I was seeking wrong answers.

The best thing I could do when having doubts about why I was acting in this way or seemed to have this or that feeling was to talk with that person and explain how I felt. That wouldn't make me weak, vulnerable or dependent. I was only caring about the person who was an important part of my life.

My life is under my full control, and no one else’s—and I should know what’s best. So, I set in with the sense of trust I had in myself, e.g. by repeating my most empowering affirmations then, by writing down all the negative messages that have been bothering me and then again writing down positive beliefs that counteract these limiting statements.

I have decided not to feel guilty for having this very human experience! If I hold on to this vision of the life I want to have and stick to my mission to look to the underlying veracity in my relationship, I felt I would be moving forward in happiness and excitement.

When you provide support and inspiration for people, you will get more backing and motivation from the universe in return. I have set out to do just that……….