Here I go Again !

I am nobody’s yes man, am a No Woman !

Forgotten, when to say I am ready ! Where and when to do the start and the end? If those who say they really are mine, then they sometime have to catch up with me through my trying moments. After all, even if they cared, it’s my journey, not theirs. They fail to pinpoint the righteousness within me, and then it becomes so convenient to handle me wrongly. People love you when you are easy and straight going, but true compassion will strike with anyone only when they hold your hand when you do wrong or maybe at times misunderstood. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what matters to me is my opinion of myself .What to start life with? What kind of hopes in my pockets? I am so befuddled!

Like I have seen it all……….

The time -honoured sunrise and its blazing sunrays-

the sublime moonlight , followed by darkness-

the triumphant sea with its notable fury-

the ascending wind, bellowing gusty storms-

the fascinating humpy mountains and its ravages.

None of these follow any straight, well defined track or trail------

And like them, I don’t wish to walk on an undeviating line, only a conformist or a conventionalist human would do so-----

There is a kind of deep felt desire to do something wild, controversial and be a maverick kind of an individualist, doing something beyond established procedures. Sometimes, when it seems all of the pieces are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place. My journey as yet remains a solo dance, struggling to understand the principles of, emotional and physical detachment  as explained in hinduism, buddhism and probably what it finally entails, moving on like a traveling light to the next world.

I don’t believe in fleeing tedium and melancholy into an impossible world of dreams. I want a roller coaster ride, full of hurdles, of challenges and then I shall know that I have outstripped my adversaries as far as, my own adventure is watched by others and those moments I shall cherish to keep posted for my later years.

A SENSE OF MY POWER !

Having seen my own reflections, eager to understand the stranger within me , I  gave myself the right of self determination.  

Submitting to this Declaration of Persistence, I contemplated that only a super power  could now modulate my verdict .

My moods swung from the summer solstice to the autumnal equinox , but the mind was vibrating, by no means stuck in the tangible snow.

I may not control all the events that happen to me, but had surely decided not to be reduced by them. The big moments were going to come. I just could not help that. It's what I do aftermath that counts. That's when I was going to find out who really I was ?

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.” ― Jane Austen, Persuasion

And here I was stuck in the turbulences of my own resolution , hearing the outcry of my charming spirit sans the will power.

Consequently I bullied myself into silence and unfalteringly stepped onto a brand new path where I would not allow me to be made a victim. 

The truth was that my Life was now going to be what I made of it !

The Crow that flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest !

The sooty wings of the Crow fluttered and overshadowed the meekness of the baby Cuckoos, who wailed and clung to the softened skin of their mother’s in their nest.

The crow may have been a second banana to the falcon, but to the cuckoos  , he was humongous and gargantuan.

One tiny drop of helpless tear had to fall from their mother’s eyes  , it had that infinite potential , that all the cherubs screeched out loud in one echoed and deafening sound and ----------------------------that was enough of an arresting signal to the Crow , that soar as he might formidably in the skies, he would never again dare fly over a Cuckoo’s Nest.

August, the highfalutin !

When the aura of extravagant disposables have dampened and the pseudo-delusive images have faded, then even to the baronial princess ( the August), the realities of life do not just blink, but stare at her like a monstrous beacon of Karma. I have come to realize, that it is upon us whether we can perceive the depth of the orbit we live in, see the writing on the wall , take on the challenges of life, or just let the winds of bête noire sweep us. At times, yes I am seized by fear, a macabre feeling of the worst to come, but certainly I don’t live mired in it……..                                                                                                    

 It had discerned on me that I had to steamroll by backbone, embolden my pericarp, if I had to be the Survivor.

The Law of Enforcement !

When I could not protect the essence of that word ,

How could I place the book of my love on your hands.

That which cannot be answered are questions to me,

Seemingly nothing but are mystically sublime.

My words are always tracing your watchful silhouette,

Radiant and lustrous are those thoughts of mine.

We don’t fathom what touches our heart and souls,

But do feel the droplets of the showering rain upon us.

And when the waterfalls reach the force of the rapids -

Then our diminutive life which is in a sleepy mellow,

Will rise with the tides of nature and enrich our lives.

दिली शब्दे बयां !

दर्दों  में  जकड़े हुए थे हम ,

और इसका इल्म भी नहीं हुआ ,

कि ज़िन्दगी परछाई बनकर सामने मुस्कुरा रही थी ,

खुशहाली का आगाज़ (शरुआत) हो चुका था |

अपनी आशिकी के लम्हों को भूल जाना ,

ऐसा कभी तसव्वुर (सोचा) भी नहीं किया था  ,

पर तक़दीर नें जैसे दामन को झिंझोड़ दिया,

 हमारे ज़ामीर को जगा दिया ,

और हम अपनी बेफिक्री की धुनकी में ,

अपनी नुसरत (जीत) की राह पर निकल पड़े ||

Relationships !

Often I wondered what Relationships stood for ?

The Dictionary meaning said “a connection, association, or involvement.”

I often wondered where my relationship currently stood with my near and dear ones ?

I built up my own wall to keep many out of my perceived comfort zone, but soon realized that I had done this like a watchdog ,waiting to see who dares and cares to break it down.

Probably I still believed in the doctrine of meliorism and then my guardian angel spoke out loud and said I had put in enough efforts and adjustments to reach out to my relationships.

Now they should comprehend that their one step can make a whole lot of difference !

But do they care?

 Rancor cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.